It depends on what the definition of “old” is

Conversation with my just-turned-nine-year-old son:

  • HIM: Is Adventure Time an old show?
  • ME:  I guess… I mean it’s not a brand-NEW show…
  • HIM: So it’s old, then?
  • ME:  Well, I wouldn’t call it OLD, exactly…
  • HIM: Why not?
  • ME: It wasn’t around when I was a kid or anything.
  • HIM: (laughs) Well I know THAT. It’s in color!
  • ME: How old do you think I am, kid?
image from https://collectionofawesome.com

How I plan dinners

Usually I stand in the kitchen and ask myself, “What will I NOT HATE that I can make tonight without too much trouble?” And then I answer myself, “Cold cereal it is!”

No, I’m joking, obviously.

I do have to cook so the people in the house don’t starve. The trouble is, I really HATE meal planning.

I know people who have wonderful little calendars planned out with each meal for the week all written down, and they buy all the ingredients in advance to fit each dinner so that both grocery shopping and cooking are a model of efficiency.

This is SO NOT ME.

I have mentioned before my model for food shopping, which is basically just throwing stuff onto my cart at random. (Click here if you want to see an illustrated version of that.)

And whenever I try to assign certain meals to certain days of the week I feel trapped and suddenly lose my appetite for whatever I’ve planned.

It feels like Food Slavery to me. But of course, we have to eat SOMETHING.

So here’s what I do.

When I get back from the store and start putting away all my random purchases, I make  list of all the meals I can possibly make from the stuff I just bought.

(While I’m saying to myself, “Why did I get this again?” and “Oh shoot, I forgot some essential thing!” of course.)

I post the list on the refrigerator. Then when it’s time to make dinner, I can look at the list and pick something, crossing it off after I make it.

ACTUAL PHOTO FROM MY FRIDGE

So.. THERE.

Don’t say I never put anything practical on this blog. Have you SEEN my new recipe tab?!

I tried to save a few bucks on formal wear

Shopping for New Furniture

As evidenced by the state of my couch in my previous post, I’m in the market for some new furniture.

So here’s how that went:

  • Me:  *Enters lovely showroom*
  •          *Sits on pretty couch*
  •          *Checks price tag*
  •          *Faints dead away from shock*
  • Nice Saleslady: *approaches cautiously*
  • Me: *Sits up and tries to look normal*
  • NS:  “May I help you?”
  • Me: “Um, Do you have anything on sale?”
  • NS: (brightly)”We don’t have any sales, because of our everyday low prices. “
  • Me: *Struggles mightily not to roll eyes* “Oh….kay…”
  • NS: “But we do have our clearance warehouse…”
  • Me: “Aha! That’s for me!!”
  • NS: (uncertainly) “I’ll just have to get the key…”
  • Me: “Awesome! I’ll wait here.”

She came back with a key and led me out the back door, across the snow-packed lot, past a dumpster, and then into a warehouse crammed full of mismatched furniture with red tags.

I do believe I have found myself something I can afford, I thought!

 

The reason my house is clean…sometimes

Confession: I have a cleaning service come to my house every other week.

Yes, I’m a housewife who doesn’t even clean her own house. Don’t you wish you were me?

No seriously, I have Merry Maids, and they do a great job. I recommend them. If I could afford to have them come every day I would.

And it’s fabulous to look at my nice clean house! Until the kids wreck it again. So… for about ten minutes every two weeks it’s pretty sweet.

Last week while the Merry Maids were at my house I went to the store for a few things.

For me getting “just a few things” at the store means spending $150 and still having nothing to make for dinner. But I digress.

I came home to my beautiful clean house and started putting all my grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

They were plastic bags, because I forgot to bring my reusable “green” bags into the store again. (I hate it when I do that!)

So, the plastic bags were not very stable and I put too many on the counter at once, causing a bag with a couple of soda bottles to fall off the edge of the counter.

I screamed as I watched the sodas smack into a counter stool, which broke the lid off one of them and began spewing Diet Coke all over my clean house.

Due to my lovely “open floor plan,” the soda was free to spray not only all over the kitchen, but also to gush over the living room, dining room, and as far as the glass patio doors.

Diet Coke was truly everywhere in my house that had JUST BEEN CLEANED!! It was awful.

And not only did I have to mop up all that spilled soda, I didn’t have any Diet Coke left in the bottle to drink!!

Yeah I know. First world problems.

I’m a sucker for tabloids

Recently I was looking at the tabloid headlines in the grocery store line.

It’s not the first time, I’m embarrassed to say.

(For another story on that, click here.)

I noticed an article about the couple from the HGTV show “Flip or Flop,” who are getting a divorce.

Having just gone on a trip and spent many hours in a hotel room watching HGTV, I was extremely interested in this.

I had noticed that Tarek was a little mean to Christina on camera, (Yes, I’m on a first-name basis with the these people; I know them quite well, actually) and I really REALLY wanted to know what was happening BEHIND THE SCENES.

I had to buy this magazine. I put it in my cart.

Then I saw the National Enquirer was saying they had PROOF that Princess Kate was bulimic, and it all had to do with an incriminatingly placed band-aid.

Oh man! I wanted to know the significance of that band-aid.

But, I was already buying ONE tabloid. I felt that I might look like a real nut if I got two, so I resisted.

I went home and devoured the article on Tarek and Christina. As I suspected, he “reduced her to tears on multiple occasions” and “treated her like garbage,” according to “a source who witnessed it all.”

Oooh! I knew that guy was bad news!

Of course, I do understand that it’s unlikely their problems are so one-sided. Perhaps the pressures of being reality TV stars are really to blame.

The difficulties of being paid exorbitantly to have your everyday life filmed ARE quite high, I’m told. After all, look at John and Kate!  

This is why I personally have turned down all offers to make a reality TV show about my family, even though I realize we are quite fascinating, and I’m depriving the world of some first-class entertainment. No, we must remain anonymous in order to preserve our wholesome family life.

And I think I have to go back and get that National Enquirer…..

P.S. The band-aid was on Princess Kate’s middle finger!! Clear proof of bulimia, according to “a medical source who has not treated the princess.”

Wow, huh?

I can’t imagine what terrible things the band-aid I currently have on my pinkie toe might mean. Good thing I’m not famous.

Now I’m going to blog about toilet paper

Everyone has their own ideas about the “correct” way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Over or under? You make the call.

Still I think we can all agree that the most annoying thing is when someone simply refuses to replace the roll at all. Perhaps you’ve seen this floating around in Facebook:

image from pinterest.com

This makes me nuts.  When you try to balance the new roll on the holder instead of installing it you help no one.

I’ve seen full rolls of TP fall into the toilet because of poor balancing, which is a tragic waste. (Also it’s super gross to fish out the sodden roll and trash it.) This is messed up.

But sometimes, I realize, you just don’t want to spend that extra half-minute (half a minute!!!!) to install the new roll properly.

Okay.

At my house I think we actually have this problem solved. The toilet paper hangers are much easier to load and unload. Here’s how they look:


When we first moved in I was skeptical about whether these things would work properly. I wondered if the TP roll would actually stay on there.

The answer is: it stays really well when it is full, although you do need to learn not to spin the roll too vigorously, especially when it’s almost out.

At first we did have a few incidences of out-of-control flying (almost-empty) toilet roll. But really, we don’t need to spin it so crazily in any case, now do we? It only took a week or two to learn how to operate the TP properly.

And now everyone can replace the roll with minimum effort; therefore no one does this:


I think our toilet paper holder is quite superior.

Do you have a TP opinion? (Everyone does, I’m told!)