Homeschooling (Quarantine Style) Continues

  • Me: Have you finished your online schoolwork?
  • Little Girl: Yes.
  • Maury Povitch: Mom’s check on your google classroom proves…. that was a lie!
  • Me: (scanning in a completed worksheet called “Canada Facts Fun Sheet” for the twins)
  • Boo: What’s that? It says fun sheet. Is it really fun?
  • Me: No. Absolutely not.
  • Kids: I thought we would have fun being home all day! This is boring!
  • Me: I thought homeschooling the kids would be easy! This stinks!
  • Dr Phil: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result… That’s called insanity!

Do we have to talk about this now?

I was taking a nap when my eleven year old son texted me from the kitchen. Yes. TEXTED me. From the KITCHEN.

Having failed to get his point across by text, he tried call me. Actually, he tried to Face Time me.

Did I mention I was napping? This a bad time to try to Face Time me.

I did not accept this call (shockingly) so he was forced to walk down the hall and speak to me in person.

He spoke to the mound of covers that was my head. “Mom. Mom. MOM!”

I made an indeterminate noise of reply.

“The stool in the kitchen,” he said.

I poked my nose out and said, “What about the stool in the kitchen?”

Urgently, he said, “You have to come see it.”

Obviously I did not want to do this. I said, “Why?”

He did not wish to clarify. “You HAVE to come SEE it!” he insisted.

I sighed. “Can’t I come see it after my nap?”

Here’s where the story takes a crazy twist.

Now I’ve had these kinds of conversations with my son more times than I can count. There’s always something that I HAVE to come see, regardless of whether I want to see the thing or not. He will INSIST that I put down my book/ get out of bed / come out of the bathroom/ stop folding laundry/ drop WHATEVER I’m doing, and COME SEE THE THING. He will not be deterred and he will not explain why. I simply MUST see the thing. NOW!!

Whenever this happens, I always end up going to see whatever it is he so desperately wants me to see, and it is pretty much always some trifling non-emergency that requires little to no attention on my part. But that is immaterial. THE THING is not the point. It’s the GOING TO SEE IT that matters.

So when I said, “Can’t I come see it after my nap?” it was pretty much just a stalling tactic. I knew I was destined to be forced to go see what the deal was with the stool. I would not be permitted to sleep until I had SEEN THE THING.

But then….

Miraculously, he said, “Okay,” and HE WENT AWAY.

I cannot overstate how unprecedented this was. He AGREED to let me continue to sleep and SEE THE THING LATER.

It was amazing.

I think we’ve made real progress here.

On a side note, after I woke up and went into the kitchen, I asked what the problem with stool had been.

He said the stool seemed to be a bit wobbly.

Shocking.

I am NOT a homeschool mom

Let me say that again: I am not a homeschool mom.

BUT…. They cancelled my kids’ school. They cancelled EVERYONE’S kids’ school, in fact.

So now, I guess, we are ALL going to be homeschool moms.

I’ve been hoping that this whole thing is an elaborate April Fool’s joke, but I guess not.

It’s April second, and the kids are still at home.

So I’ve been trying to learn about Google Classroom and whatnot; I’ve been trying to keep up with making sure the kids do their assignments online and keep up with their work.

And so far, it seems I’ve done a pretty terrible job.

The twins are in sixth grade, by the way, so I thought I could handle helping them with school work. But there are TWO of them….

So, I was trying to concentrate on Little Boy’s schoolwork because Little Girl said she had hers under control.

And it turned out that by “under control,” she meant “completely ignoring all assignments.”

Seriously.

She. Hasn’t. Done. DIDDLY!!

And Little Boy , whom I have ACTUALLY BEEN WATCHING, seems to be missing half of his assignments too.

I’m afraid to even check on (17-year-old) Boo. She’s in high school. There is NO WAY I can help with any of that.

I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong!

I must be the worst homeschool mom ever.

Oh, wait. I forgot. I’M NOT A HOMESCHOOL MOM!!!!!

P.S. I wrote a little about homeschool vs. non-homeschool a long time ago. If you’re interested in that opinion piece, click here.