I’m a sucker for tabloids

Recently I was looking at the tabloid headlines in the grocery store line.

It’s not the first time, I’m embarrassed to say.

(For another story on that, click here.)

I noticed an article about the couple from the HGTV show “Flip or Flop,” who are getting a divorce.

Having just gone on a trip and spent many hours in a hotel room watching HGTV, I was extremely interested in this.

I had noticed that Tarek was a little mean to Christina on camera, (Yes, I’m on a first-name basis with the these people; I know them quite well, actually) and I really REALLY wanted to know what was happening BEHIND THE SCENES.

I had to buy this magazine. I put it in my cart.

Then I saw the National Enquirer was saying they had PROOF that Princess Kate was bulimic, and it all had to do with an incriminatingly placed band-aid.

Oh man! I wanted to know the significance of that band-aid.

But, I was already buying ONE tabloid. I felt that I might look like a real nut if I got two, so I resisted.

I went home and devoured the article on Tarek and Christina. As I suspected, he “reduced her to tears on multiple occasions” and “treated her like garbage,” according to “a source who witnessed it all.”

Oooh! I knew that guy was bad news!

Of course, I do understand that it’s unlikely their problems are so one-sided. Perhaps the pressures of being reality TV stars are really to blame.

The difficulties of being paid exorbitantly to have your everyday life filmed ARE quite high, I’m told. After all, look at John and Kate!  

This is why I personally have turned down all offers to make a reality TV show about my family, even though I realize we are quite fascinating, and I’m depriving the world of some first-class entertainment. No, we must remain anonymous in order to preserve our wholesome family life.

And I think I have to go back and get that National Enquirer…..

P.S. The band-aid was on Princess Kate’s middle finger!! Clear proof of bulimia, according to “a medical source who has not treated the princess.”

Wow, huh?

I can’t imagine what terrible things the band-aid I currently have on my pinkie toe might mean. Good thing I’m not famous.

Daylight Savings Time: MAKE IT STOP!!

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image from http://blog.faithpromise.org

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I really do. It’s especially annoying to me now, because I recently spent six years on an island where we didn’t use DST.

That’s right. Hawaii doesn’t observe Daylight Savings Time. (Just ONE of the reasons it’s called paradise there.)

Yeah. We LEFT THE CLOCKS ALONE ALL YEAR. What a concept! And guess what? The amount of daylight did not change. TIME was neither saved nor lost.

But now I’m back in the real USA I suppose, where we have to observe ridiculous conventions like DST. Ugh. But of course, there is the ONE good thing about observing the time change: in the fall when you get that “extra hour” of sleep. Right?

But this year I managed to wreck that one positive thing for my family by scheduling a PLANE TRIP during that time. Oh yeah. So we got to actually EXPERIENCE the time change in all its glory.

There we were, sitting on an airplane at one a.m., not sleeping. An hour later… BOOM! The time changed! And we were still sitting on an airplane at one a.m., not sleeping.

I mean, THAT was just cruel and unusual punishment right there!

So now I can say I’ve truly LIVED THROUGH that repeated hour in the fall time change, and let me tell you: It’s AWFUL!! 

So why do we DO this? Why do we move the clock around a couple of times a year just to mess with everything? I’ll tell you why: For NO REASON.

I’ve seen that hour from one a.m. to two a.m. and it’s NOT WORTH LIVING THROUGH TWICE. (Even if you’re asleep, because you’re just going to have to lose that hour of sleep again in the spring, you know!)

News flash: Hey DST? We’re not saving anything! Not daylight, not time, and definitely not my sanity!

Just MAKE IT STOP!!!

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Are my eyebrows “on point?”

I got my eyebrows waxed last weekend.

This is the best I can do for “breaking news” here. It’s sad; I know.

Anyways, my family was less than impressed by the change.

The twins wanted to know what was wrong with my face. 

The teenagers said it was okay, they guessed.

My husband said flatly, “I don’t like it.”

I said, “You mean, ‘I don’t like it,’ as in ‘I don’t care for it; you looked better before’? Or ‘I don’t like it,’ as in, ‘I can’t bear to look at your hideous face’?”

He looked at me a long time. Finally he said, “I don’t care for it. You looked better before.”

Okay. I can live with that.

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So…. What do you think?

I Haven’t Posted Anything for Months

Have you been wondering where I’ve been?

Well, I was out of town and then I had some computer trouble, and blah blah blah…

Would you believe I just haven’t been feeling very funny lately?

Whatever. Now that the kids are finally back in school, I’ve been planning on posting again. Still, after such a long absence I was trying to think of something really good to start back with.

Unfortunately, I’ve got nothing.

So, here’s a picture of the twins on the first day of school for you to admire.

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Aren’t they cute? And what about that giant, slightly-creepy-looking sunflower there?

What? No good? Think you can do better? Make your own blog, then!

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I dare you…

The Biscuits

image from http://www.dishmaps.com
image from http://www.dishmaps.com