This ad is unhelpful

I saw a certain ridiculous advertisement on my Facebook wall.

(By the way, isn’t it creepy how Facebook knows EXACTLY what to advertise to me? It’s profiled me as a woman in her forties, so I get ads for cleaning products, wrinkle cream, and those panties you can pee yourself in and supposedly no one will know. To my younger friends who are thinking, “Ewwwww”– Just you WAIT!)

But I digress. It mostly gives me mom-related ads like these:

OK.

Just HOW does this solve the problem of having multiple kids?

Does it help moms grow extra arms?

Can it help restore a mother’s lost sanity?

At the very least, will it block some of the horrific noise generated by multiple children?

No? Then WHAT GOOD IS IT?!?!?

Why don’t I look cool?

Over the weekend I went to a Christian ladies conference in Colorado Springs. (It was wonderful of course.)

One of the things they had there was a representative from the company 3 Seams, which is one of those fair trade type things where they help women in third world countries make a living wages sewing clothing or making jewelry. They had the beautiful wrap things for sale with pretty colors and soft fabrics.

image from 3seams.com

The girl demonstrated how you could wear it as a jacket or a scarf or whatever and lots of the ladies were buying them. Everyone who had one looked great in it. It was like something all the cool ladies had.

image from 3seams.com

I passed the table like twenty times and finally succumbed on the last day and bought one in a gorgeous blue color. I was super pleased with myself and my purchase. I was ready to be cool like everyone else.

Then I came home and got ready to wear my fabulous new wrap in real life.

Somehow, it just doesn’t look as good on me as it did on those cool ladies. And from the back?

My 17-year old said, “Mom, you look like a giant M-n-M!”

Wow. Well, at least the craftswomen in Cambodia got a fair wage out of it.

What do you think? Am I cool yet?

I’m a sucker for tabloids

Recently I was looking at the tabloid headlines in the grocery store line.

It’s not the first time, I’m embarrassed to say.

(For another story on that, click here.)

I noticed an article about the couple from the HGTV show “Flip or Flop,” who are getting a divorce.

Having just gone on a trip and spent many hours in a hotel room watching HGTV, I was extremely interested in this.

I had noticed that Tarek was a little mean to Christina on camera, (Yes, I’m on a first-name basis with the these people; I know them quite well, actually) and I really REALLY wanted to know what was happening BEHIND THE SCENES.

I had to buy this magazine. I put it in my cart.

Then I saw the National Enquirer was saying they had PROOF that Princess Kate was bulimic, and it all had to do with an incriminatingly placed band-aid.

Oh man! I wanted to know the significance of that band-aid.

But, I was already buying ONE tabloid. I felt that I might look like a real nut if I got two, so I resisted.

I went home and devoured the article on Tarek and Christina. As I suspected, he “reduced her to tears on multiple occasions” and “treated her like garbage,” according to “a source who witnessed it all.”

Oooh! I knew that guy was bad news!

Of course, I do understand that it’s unlikely their problems are so one-sided. Perhaps the pressures of being reality TV stars are really to blame.

The difficulties of being paid exorbitantly to have your everyday life filmed ARE quite high, I’m told. After all, look at John and Kate!  

This is why I personally have turned down all offers to make a reality TV show about my family, even though I realize we are quite fascinating, and I’m depriving the world of some first-class entertainment. No, we must remain anonymous in order to preserve our wholesome family life.

And I think I have to go back and get that National Enquirer…..

P.S. The band-aid was on Princess Kate’s middle finger!! Clear proof of bulimia, according to “a medical source who has not treated the princess.”

Wow, huh?

I can’t imagine what terrible things the band-aid I currently have on my pinkie toe might mean. Good thing I’m not famous.

Daylight Savings Time: MAKE IT STOP!!

http://blog.faithpromise.org
image from http://blog.faithpromise.org

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I really do. It’s especially annoying to me now, because I recently spent six years on an island where we didn’t use DST.

That’s right. Hawaii doesn’t observe Daylight Savings Time. (Just ONE of the reasons it’s called paradise there.)

Yeah. We LEFT THE CLOCKS ALONE ALL YEAR. What a concept! And guess what? The amount of daylight did not change. TIME was neither saved nor lost.

But now I’m back in the real USA I suppose, where we have to observe ridiculous conventions like DST. Ugh. But of course, there is the ONE good thing about observing the time change: in the fall when you get that “extra hour” of sleep. Right?

But this year I managed to wreck that one positive thing for my family by scheduling a PLANE TRIP during that time. Oh yeah. So we got to actually EXPERIENCE the time change in all its glory.

There we were, sitting on an airplane at one a.m., not sleeping. An hour later… BOOM! The time changed! And we were still sitting on an airplane at one a.m., not sleeping.

I mean, THAT was just cruel and unusual punishment right there!

So now I can say I’ve truly LIVED THROUGH that repeated hour in the fall time change, and let me tell you: It’s AWFUL!! 

So why do we DO this? Why do we move the clock around a couple of times a year just to mess with everything? I’ll tell you why: For NO REASON.

I’ve seen that hour from one a.m. to two a.m. and it’s NOT WORTH LIVING THROUGH TWICE. (Even if you’re asleep, because you’re just going to have to lose that hour of sleep again in the spring, you know!)

News flash: Hey DST? We’re not saving anything! Not daylight, not time, and definitely not my sanity!

Just MAKE IT STOP!!!

FullSizeRender (1)

Are my eyebrows “on point?”

I got my eyebrows waxed last weekend.

This is the best I can do for “breaking news” here. It’s sad; I know.

Anyways, my family was less than impressed by the change.

The twins wanted to know what was wrong with my face. 

The teenagers said it was okay, they guessed.

My husband said flatly, “I don’t like it.”

I said, “You mean, ‘I don’t like it,’ as in ‘I don’t care for it; you looked better before’? Or ‘I don’t like it,’ as in, ‘I can’t bear to look at your hideous face’?”

He looked at me a long time. Finally he said, “I don’t care for it. You looked better before.”

Okay. I can live with that.

before-after-eyebrows

So…. What do you think?