The Mommy Medal– Birthday Edition

I have mentioned before that I think I deserve a mommy medal for some of the things I have done.

But the twins’ birthday party has really turned Mommy Medaling into an Olympic event.

Having a boy/girl twins who want to be able to have a sleepover party makes a huge logistical problem. This means TWO SEPARATE sleepovers.

I’ll just let that sink in.

Not ONE crowd of kids all hopped up on sugar in your house all night, but TWO!!

Last year I did it in one marathon weekend, but it almost killed me. This year we are spreading it out over two weekends. I’m not sure if this is better or just a way of prolonging the torture.

Anyways, we just had sleepover number one this past weekend.

In addition, remember the fact that we are trying to show our home to potential buyers right now. This makes the stress of birthday season double. Trying to keep the house clean while living in it with children is hard enough, but add a group of children at a sleepover party and the trouble really starts.

When I looked over at the living room during my little girl’s party and saw a puddle of slime putty on my carpet, I believe I showed admirable restraint.

I think I deserve an Olympic mommy medal for not freaking out. Out loud, I mean.

Of course, the fact that the child who had put the slime putty there was not mine is probably the reason she is still alive.

The good news is, it came out of the carpet. Not that I knew that was going to happen when I first saw that puddle.

But of course I am not a saint either. I have had my share of freak outs over messes. When I discovered spilled pasta with tomato sauce on my carpeted stairs just before a home showing, for example, my head may actually have exploded.

In any case, we have one more sleepover to get through this weekend. Let’s see if I can keep that mommy medal just a little longer. 

Rude Awakenings

Here’s a news flash: I’m tired.

No, seriously. I am really, REALLY tired.

Maybe there is something wrong with me, or maybe all mothers feel like this, but, most days, all I really want is a nap.

That’s actually my entire goal for the day. A NAP.

My kids are not on board with this. They want me to be awake and doing mom stuff. You know, like serving them.

Still, whenever I can, I go to my room and try to take a nap. I do not need the house to be quiet for this. I can sleep through the noise. I don’t even have to close the bedroom door.

But unfortunately, the kids still want stuff.

Some of the things they want I can do without much trouble. You’d be surprised what I can accomplish while lying down with my eyes closed.

Sometimes they don’t really want me to do anything at all; they just want to pretend to have informed me of things they’re not too keen to talk about.

 

But sometimes, they simply WILL NOT be ignored.

 

 

Sigh. I guess I’ll get up and do some mom stuff.

Useful Advice?

I was planning to take a bath later in the evening so I put my hair up on top of my head in a big clip before reading a story to my son, aged 9.

This hairstyle is called a “messy bun” when worn by models or celebrities, by the way.

I’m not sure what it’s called when I wear it, though.

Little Boy looked at me with narrowed eyes as I sat down and opened the book to read. He remarked dispassionately, “Your hair looks ugly like that.”

I pointed out that it was impolite to tell someone that their hair looks ugly. (Particularly your mother, I did not add.)

He said he was aware of that. “But,” he pointed out, “if I don’t tell you, then you’ll just keep doing that with your hair…

“And it looks UGLY.”

I’m sure he has my best interests at heart.

Where’s The Kid?

Little Boy often likes to sleep on the floor of his room, even though he has a perfectly good bed.
So the other day when I saw a blanket-covered lump on his bedroom floor, I strode carefully around it when I went inside in the morning to open his blinds and wake him.
Then I was surprised to find a second lump over near the window, and noticed that this lump had actual kid feet sticking out from under the blanket. I realized that this was really the kid, and the other one was a decoy.
Still, it looked so real, I wondered if maybe Little Girl had come in during the night to sleep in her brother’s room, even though this is something she had never done that I know of.
I cautiously poked the lump with my toe and discovered that it was Tommy, the stuffed elephant.
 Tommy is a BIG stuffed animal, as you can see.
By this time Little Boy had woken up and was beyond delighted that he had fooled me. He showed me how he had arranged the blankets just so, making it look like a person was under them.
I told him he was quite the trickster. That night, he decided to repeat the joke, apparently.
I looked into his room after he had fallen asleep and found he’d set up multiple blanket decoys all around.
I honestly had no idea which lump was my kid in there. I could only be sure that he was NOT in his bed. 

 

We need to socialize more, apparently

I took the twins to a holiday craft fair on a recent weekend and I noticed that my nine-year-old son may need some help responding appropriately to people in social situations.

A lady in one of the booths was making conversation while we looked at her wares. “What school do you go to?” she asked Little Boy.

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “Why?” he asked. “Are you trying to FIND us?!”

(I guess you can’t get away with anything with this kid!)

But, of course, that was a stranger, I told myself. He’s not used to talking to strangers. Still, he seemed to also have a problem with people he knows.

Unexpectedly we saw his teacher in another booth. She greeted him by name and asked, “How are you?”

Again he seemed suspicious and said slowly, “I don’t know how to answer that.”

Well!

(Truthfully I think he was just confused at seeing his teacher outside of school. Isn’t she supposed to LIVE in the classroom?)

Overheard in the backseat

Image result for ipad kids
image from amazon.com
I was driving the twins to the dentist and they both had their iPads to play with while they waited.
This meant that they were blissfully silent in the back seat and I was enjoying listening to the radio in peace. The guy on K-Love was reading Bible verses. I sighed happily.
Suddenly the quiet was broken by Little Boy’s voice. “Butt cheeks!!” he hollered at the top of his lungs. “Butt cheeks!!”
I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that Little Girl was taking a video of him with her iPad.
“Don’t call me butt cheeks,” she said sternly.
Unsurprisingly, he smiled and continued to yell over and over, “Butt cheeks!! Butt cheeks!!” while shoving his face near the iPad camera.
She said, “I’m recording this. And you’re going to look like a jerk when I get famous.”
Little Boy just grinned more widely and kept on yelling of course. 
Don’t you wish YOU had nine-year-old twins too?

DON’T SAY THAT!

The twins are nine now and have recently discovered the existence of Bad Words.

Obviously they find such forbidden words fascinating, and often tell me about something they heard another kid at school say with an air of shocked glee.

  • Kid:”I would never say this, Mommy, but Tanner said the S word. The S H word, Mommy. The S H I word. The S–”
  • Me: “Yeah, yeah. Stop now; I get it!”

This has led to some less-than-fun conversations about what these words actually mean.  Ugh.

Anyways, this summer we happened to pass a mall with a Dick’s Sporting Goods store and they noticed it. 

Image result for dick's sporting goods
image from dickssportinggoods.jobs

Little Boy stage-whispered to his sister, “Look!!” She gasped. “That store is named after a bad word.”

I remained silent and listened to them process this shocking information together in the back seat. “Why would they do that?” Little Girl wondered aloud.

“Maybe it’s the name of the guy who owns the store,” Little Boy mused. “Maybe that’s his name and he named the store after himself. ”

Little Girl was horrified. “Why would anyone name their son after a penis?” she said.