Sisters Reunited

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My oldest daughter, ET, is  home for Christmas. (She has been going to school on the mainland.) Everyone is happy to see her, especially her closest sister, GG .

Unfortunately, these two manifest their affection for each other by “play” fighting all over the house.

It’s driving me crazy.

I’m calmly reading a book in my living room, and in my peripheral vision I see GG poke ET in the ribs and run away, giggling and shrieking as her sister chases her upstairs.

We’re sitting down having a nice family dinner, and the two of them are trying to see who can pinch the other sister the hardest under the table.

In the car, I hear them in the backseat elbowing each other and exclaiming, “Ow!” “Ouch!” “Stop it!”

Their means of expressing affection for each other is killing their mother’s nerves.

And that’s just at home! Just wait until you see what happens when we go out in public….

(stay tuned for the illustrated version)

That Bucket-Filling Tip

I keep seeing this tip on pinterest for filling big buckets.

:)

I finally decided to try it. Here;s the setup.

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The first problem I noticed is that my dustpan has a hole in the handle (for hanging it up).

In fact, I believe every dustpan I’ve ever seen has a hole in the handle. 

Anyways, I switched on the water to try it.

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It turned out the water just filled the dustpan and flowed backwards onto the back of the sink instead of out through the handle. This is due to the fact that my sink is not sloped downwards.

I’ll bet no one else’s sink is sloped downwards is either. Because the point of a sink is to HOLD WATER IN, not dump it on the floor.

So I tried to figure out how to prop the dustpan up so that IT would slope downwards.

I jammed a plastic cup under the dustpan and tried turning on the water again.

Surprise! This actually worked.

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So the verdict is: This tip works, with some minor modification, but I think it’s more effort than really necessary.

Christmas Gift Dilemma

Have you ever ordered something from a catalog that looked nice in the picture and then turned out to be horrifically ugly when you received it?

This just happened to me with a Christmas present I ordered. What looked like a really nice purse in the catalog photo arrived in the box and…

Ugliest. Purse. Ever.

What had looked like a nice beige owl shape was actually a giant gold lame monstrosity. Its huge eyes seemed crazily drugged rather than pleasantly sleepy. The background color that had appeared a trendy teal and brown floral was inexplicably green and orange blobs instead.

It was bad. Unfortunately, it was going to cost me almost as much as the horrid thing had originally been priced in order to return it to the mail-order company.

Still… If I gave that thing to my niece I’d never live it down. I would be forever in family lore as the Aunt Who Gave the Worst Purse for Christmas. People would try anything to avoid having me draw their name in the family lottery.

Should I give it to charity, I wondered? But I knew even the homeless wouldn’t want this thing.

I decided to just pay to return it after all.

I sent it back to the catalog with “Not as pictured” marked as “Reason for return.” (Since “Ugly as Sin” or “Appearance wounded my retinas” were not choices on the form. Surprisingly.)

And yes, I bought my niece a nicer purse.

Bug Spray Alternative?

I saw this on pinterest and I was skeptical:

Use alcohol in a spray bottle to kill bugs in your home instead of the toxic stuff. Alcohol dries clean with no oily residue and is more eff...

But to my surprise… It actually worked!

I found a swarm of ants under a pile of toys (The twins had left a crust of bread on the floor and buried it in the toy area. Ugh.)

I sprayed the whole area with the alcohol and the ants all died. Then the alcohol evaporated and nothing was left behind but the dead bugs. 

Bwa ha ha!!

Also it didn’t smell like bug spray, which was cool.

Apparently there are a whole lot of other things you can do with rubbing alcohol. Check out this blog if you are interested.

Still, pinterest has also informed me that rubbing alcohol is TOXIC. (Duh. That’s why I wanted it to kill bugs. So they would be DEAD.)

Rubbing alcohol is toxic and its use and production is terrible for the environment. It is NOT a green cleaning agent. Isopropyl is made from fossil fuels and ethanol-based rubbing alcohol is adulterated with methyl ethyl ketone and acetone.
Rubbing alcohol is toxic and its use and production is terrible for the environment. It is NOT a green cleaning agent. Isopropyl is made from fossil fuels and ethanol-based rubbing alcohol is adulterated with methyl ethyl ketone and acetone.

So, I guess I can’t pat myself on the back for being “green.” Oh well.

But it was cheaper and better smelling than bug spray and that works for me.

Stuff I didn’t buy for Christmas

Here’s some toys my daughter won’t be getting this Christmas:

#1. Press-on nails for little girls

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Mostly because at first glance it looks like it says “Call Girl Fingers.”

#2. A babydoll that says, “Oops! I made a stinky!”

Yes. This really exists. I laughed out loud in the toy aisle of WalMart.

#3. Any more Barbie dolls.

Okay, maybe one.

Or two.

Okay, you caught me. Between my daughters we have enough Barbies to fill a Bieber concert, and they are getting several more this Christmas.

“Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse”

I‘m a sucker for pink glitter.

So sue me.

Just Say No

JUSTSAYNO

I was waiting in line at the drugstore when the cashier asked the lady in front me for her ID. She was required to actually get the ID card out so it could be scanned into the register.

The cashier had trouble scanning it in and the manager was called. The military ID was exchanged for a drivers’ license. Confusion ensued as the manager tried using the laser scanner, the credit-card swipe, and finally manually entering the ID number.

The lady looked at her purchases and wondered, “What am I buying that I need ID for?”

I wondered also. There were no cigarettes or alcohol among the items. 

The cashier said, “It’s the acetone.”

“Nail polish remover?!” the lady said, surprised. “Really?”

Apparently it’s a controlled substance now. Along with spray paint and sudafed. Because you never know when someone will try to get high off of ordinary household items.

There is something wrong with this picture.

Another lane opened and I was able to purchase my own things, but when  I left the cashier and manager were still trying to get permission form the register so that this poor lady could remove her nail polish.

“Good luck!” I told her.

Parking Far Away

image from boandbelle.com

I took the kids to Wal-Mart and parked at the back of the lot to avoid the craziness near the store. GG (my 13-year-old) complained.

  • GG: Awwww! Why’d you park so far away?!
  • Me: You can walk. It will be good for you.
  • GG: (with attitude) Are you calling me fat?
  • Me: No.
  • GG: Good.
  • Me: I’m calling you lazy.

You’re probably appalled that I’d speak to my kid like that, but in my defense, she laughed pretty hard.

And the next day she told all her friends the story of how awful her mom was.

So they could be appalled.

Shave the Earth

It’s Pinterest Monday again! Today I’m tackling a tip that’s been circulating with this lovely pic:

Will it work? 1Tbsp of iodine 2% 1Cup of baby oil Rub your hairy area with the mixture and let set for only 5 minutes. Then gently wipe away with a damp cloth. Viola!!!! NO MORE HAIR! -- worth a shot?/Doubtful...
image from pinterest.com

Is that picture weird or what? Seriously. It looks like Barbie meets Magilla Gorilla.

This is a pinterest dead-end, meaning a picture with no website attached, that carried the comment: “1Tbsp of iodine 2% 1Cup of baby oil Rub your hairy area with the mixture and let set for only 5 minutes. Then gently wipe away with a damp cloth. Viola!!!! NO MORE HAIR! — worth a shot”

I was skeptical of this tip, to say the least. But I dutifully went to the drugstore and purchased 2% iodine and baby oil.

In preparation for this experiment, I also grew my leg hair for a week. Is that dedication, or what?

(No. I did NOT take a picture of my hairy legs. The above image was gross enough, thanks.)

I mixed the two ingredients and put it on my legs, waited, and wiped it off per the instructions. Here are my observations:

  1. Baby oil and iodine do not actually mix; it just makes oil with brown blobs in it.
  2. Iodine stained my white sink with brown splotches.
  3. My legs were still hairy.

My conclusion? DON’T try this. It is not “worth a shot.” I had to soak and scrub the sink like crazy to get that stuff off.

On a more positive note, another pinterest tip worked slightly better.

Is this the truth? Another pinner said: Almost a week since I've shaved and I have stubble is at a minimum. Lifesaver!! Ladies: put down the shaving creams and gels, use baby oil gel. It will change your shave game.
Almost a week since I’ve shaved and I have stubble is at a minimum. Lifesaver!! Ladies: put down the shaving creams and gels, use baby oil gel. It will change your shave game.
image from pintutorials.blogspot.com

I had never heard of baby oil gel, but it was in the drugstore next to the regular baby oil I bought above.

This worked well, although the gel clogged my razor and did not just rinse off. The razor cleaned off easily enough with soap; however, I sliced my hand open washing it.

(Note to self: Don’t use your bare hands to wipe a sharp blade. Duh.)

And it did keep my legs smooth for an extra day or two. The above claim of a week with no stubble is just ridiculous.

Anyways, the moral of this story is: If you want to get rid of unwanted hair: JUST SHAVE IT OFF!

SHAVE

Happy Birthday Boo

My third daughter (Boo) turned eleven this week.

One of the things we do on birthdays is wake up the birthday child with presents. I get all the other siblings up first so that we can all go in together and sing “Happy Birthday.”

So on Boo’s birthday we did this, and when I woke up GG (age 13), I saw her grab a homemade birthday card from her dresser.

I thought “How wonderful! She’s made a card to give her sister.” It was really touching.

Then I saw the card. It read, “Happy Birthday, Butt-Butt.”

I gave GG a look. She said innocently,”What? That’s my pet name for my sister.”

Inside the card GG had enclosed two dollars, and the tender misspelled message: “USMELL.”

Ah, sibling love!

By the way, I asked Boo if she had been insulted by the card. She shrugged and said, “Well, she could have put more money in it.”

GG and Boo at Boo’s birthday dinner

(If you’re interested, you can check out what happened at Boo’s birthday last year as well.)

Call me Drizella

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I always feel like one of the ugly stepsisters when I shop for shoes.

I’m standing there trying to jam my fat feet into all these cute shoes.

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(Yes I am sandal-shopping in December. Don’t YOU wish you lived in Hawaii?)

This is as far as I can get my foot to go. Come on people! I’m already in the size 11-13 section! My feet are only a “9” in length, supposedly.

Do they not MAKE pretty sandals wide enough for my Hobbit feet?!

It’s embarrassing.