I was sitting in a plastic chair (like this one) waiting outside my son’s judo class and reading a book.
I’d just gotten to a really interesting part of the story when I heard a huge cracking and crashing sound. Suddenly, l was on the floor.
About twenty-five shocked and horrified faces turned toward me, as all the other parents (tiny Asians all) looked to see what had made that horrendous noise. Their eyes widened as they saw me, the giant white lady sitting on the ground in a pile of plastic debris.
The chair had actually shattered beneath me. I’m serious. ALL FOUR LEGS had separated from the seat. Tiny shards of plastic had flown across the room! This chair was totaled.
The weird thing is, it’s not like I’d just sat down. I’d been sitting in that chair for about an hour. It’s as if the chair suddenly said, “Nope. That’s it. I give up! I ain’t holding this lady up ANY MORE!”
Now this story sounds like the beginning of a weight-loss ad, doesn’t it? You know the type: “I knew I had to do something about my weight when I pulverized a chair with my giant be-hind in front of twenty-five witnesses!”
But you know what? This is not a weight-loss ad. I think I’m going to blame the chair.
I mean, this is not normal. Chairs don’t just shatter completely like that. (Did I mention all four legs came off? ALL FOUR?!) I don’t think this can be called my fault.
Yes, I’m blaming the chair. I’ll stand by that.
I’ll stand because I won’t be sitting again anytime soon……