I didn’t wish for this

Wish.com likes to decorate my facebook wall with pictures of items they think I might want to order. Many, many, MANY pictures.

Now. to be fair, this is actually a great way to get money out of me, because I DO tend to order stuff from ads I while scrolling through facebook.

I bought a fake hair braid guaranteed to make pretty! (I blogged about it last year.) I bought those special sneaker laces from an ad that promised my kids would never have to tie their shoes again! (My kids broke them in less than a week.) I bought a snazzy gift-wrap paper cutting tool that said it would both organize my Christmas paper and streamline the wrapping process! (It didn’t fit any of my actual rolls of paper.)

None of these things quite worked out as advertised, as you can see, but I remain a sucker. Hope springs eternal, after all. I read the ads and think to myself, Maybe THIS particular plastic item shipped from a sweatshop in Asia really WILL make me prettier/ happier/more organized. Maybe I really SHOULD buy the pee-proof underwear they keep showing me, and reminding me that it’s great for women of my age.

Yeah, maybe not.

But some of the stuff wish.com advertises really has me baffled. I can’t imagine why anyone would order these things. Example #1:

In what universe would anyone wear this? Even young Julia Roberts in full Pretty Woman gear wore the same trashy stockings on BOTH LEGS.

Example #2:

What on EARTH could these be for? I don’t think they would fit in my actual mouth and operate as tooth substitutes. And even if they could, why would I need FOUR SETS AT A TIME? This baffles me.

And, finally… #3:

What IS this?!?! What is it FOR? I can’t even.

So, thanks to wish.com, but no thanks. I’ll pass.

Although, I’m still thinking about that pee-proof underwear….

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