Why you don’t want to take me out to lunch

I went out to lunch with a friend recently.

Unfortunately, the twins were out of school, so I had to drag them along.

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My friend was very gracious about this, and refrained from comment as Little Girl jumped all over the seat, exposed her underwear to a neighboring table, and wondered aloud why her gourmet macaroni and cheese did not resemble Kraft Easy Mac.

But then the upholstery of my seat (ahem) made a noise.

Little Boy hollered at top volume: “Mommy! You FARTED!!”

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My friend tried to pretend she didn’t hear anything.

I said calmly that I did not fart; my seat cushion made a noise. I demonstrated the noise by sliding around on the upholstery of the booth some more.

Little Boy scoffed openly at this.”That’s not the sound, Mommy. You made a sound like THHBBBTT!!! And that’s a FART! You FARTED!!!!”

He laughed uproariously.

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My friend could not contain her own laughter at this point. And I know she was thinking, “Just admit you farted, girl. Your son’s not a fool.”

I don’t think she’ll be wanting to go anywhere with me for a while.

But let the record show: I did not fart. IT WAS THE SEAT!!!!!

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