I found this lovely message written in my driveway the other day.
My question is, which of these kids is ACTUALLY stinky poop?
And does decorating the insult with a heart make calling someone “stinky poop” more palatable?
Little Boy likes to play a hiding game. One night he built a pillow barricade all around his bed and hid under the bed.
What he didn’t realize is that he had company under there.
A little background: Our cat is not what you’d call a “kid-friendly” animal. Like many cats, he barely tolerates the larger humans of the household because we feed him. He sees no use for the small humans whatsoever.
(If you’re interested in more stories about the cat click here.)
Long story short, the twins are terrified of the cat.
So you can imagine Little Boy’s reaction when he barricaded himself into the shadowy gloom under the bed, and then looked back to see a pair of yellow eyes shining at him through the dark.
At least he has something to tell his therapist when he grows up.
The twins went on their first kindergarten field trip this week. I didn’t want to go.
I know, I know. BAD mommy.
Little Boy has already been giving me the guilt trip about how the neighbor kids’ mom works at the school and is there ALL DAY. “Why can’t you be at the school all day, Mommy? PLEASE?!”
Listen kid, you don’t want me at the school all day. And neither does the state’s liability insurer.
Anyways, the night before the field trip, Little Boy started giving me the heavy guilt trip. “You can come on the field trip Mommy. The teacher says so. The other mommies will be there. PLEASE?!”
So I gave in and showed up the next morning. But, not having signed up to chaperon, I didn’t know what I should do. I sat around outside the classroom like a stalker for a hour and a half while the teacher got the kids ready. Little Boy saw me out there and barely contained his glee when he waved on the way to the bathroom.
I started to feel like Good Mommy after all. Then…
As they were lining up for the bus, I approached the teacher.
(She was trying to supervise about twenty-five hyped-up 5-year-olds and their sack lunches, so it probably wasn’t the best time to make a good impression.)
I said, “Um, I didn’t sign up to chaperon, but my son really wants me to go on the field trip. Can I go?”
She nicely refrained from rolling her eyes at me, or calling me CRAZY MOM to my face. “I’m sorry, but you had to sign up in advance,” she said diplomatically. “I’ll keep you in mind for next time.”
So I went and held Little Boy’s hand as he walked to the bus, telling him that I was sorry, but the teacher wasn’t going to let me go along. He was perfectly happy with this explanation.
So I gave him a kiss goodbye and went to my car, trying not to to skip in jubilation.
I managed to get Good Mommy points for coming to the school and making the attempt; PLUS I didn’t have to go on the boring field trip!
Talk about a win-win situation!
Little Girl, my five-year-old, was eating a soft taco from Taco Bell in front of the TV.
(No one can say I don’t feed my kids the best around here!)
While I wasn’t looking, she started picking off the shredded lettuce and tossing it, piece by piece, on the living room floor.
It’s like she read a book called “How To Drive Your Mommy Insane in One Easy Step.”
I took one look at the pile of lettuce detritus and my head exploded.
Well, not literally.
But the reaction was severe enough that Little Girl actually cleaned up the mess without complaint.
Now I’ve got to find and confiscate that book….
We took off the twins’ closet door, and I hung up a curtain over the opening instead.
The curtain is made of both Princess AND Transformers fabric, in order to accommodate both twins’ tastes.
This makes things easier for the arrangement of furniture, and also makes the room safer. After all, Little Girl cut her finger off in that door last year.
You probably don’t believe that really happened. To read that story click here.
Still, now that it’s done, I recommend the curtain over the door concept for a kids’ room. It makes the closet into sort of a cool playroom.
It grew back, by the way. Mostly.
(photo dated 5/19/12)
Little Girl had a friend from the neighborhood (R) come to play at the house after school.
They ran ahead of me from the playground to the house, and when I arrived they showed me the treasure they’d found on the way.
Oh hurray. A giant tangled ball of yellow string.
Both girls were yelling excitedly, “We’re going to untangle it!”
R added, “And then I’m gonna KEEP it!”
Little Girl nodded judiciously. “She found it first. It’s hers.”
This seemed okay by me, as that meant the string was only in my house temporarily, so I told them to have at it.
Of course, soon they had roped me into helping them –pun intended– and then soon after that they lost interest.
Somehow I ended up left alone for like an hour meticulously untangling yards and yards of string a couple of kindergartners found outside, possibly in the trash.
I know. I have no life.
This is what I was doing when R’s mom came to get her.
She looked at me and said, “Um….”
I said, “The girls are upstairs. I’m just untangling this string they found.”
She said, “Why?”
This was a hard question. “I don’t actually know,” I admitted. “But I’ve been working on it for an hour and I’m not stopping til it’s done.”
She said, “Oh…kay,” and went to find her child. I kept untangling; I was almost finished!
By the time R’s mom had located her kid, found her shoes and gotten her ready to go, I had the string wound into a nice neat ball.
R came up to politely say thank-you-for-having-me-over, and I handed her the ball of string.
R’s mom’s eyes almost popped out of her head at that.
R said, “Yay! Thanks!”
R’s mom said, “Why are you giving that string to my daughter?”
“It’s hers,” I said.
“It IS!” Little Girl backed me up.
“I found it!” R said, hugging the ball.
“She DID!” Little Girl backed her up.
While the girls exulted over the string ball, R’s mom locked eyes with me over their heads. “You realize,” she said, “that the string you just spent all that time untangling, will be a tangled mess all over MY house in about ten minutes?”
“Yep!” I said cheerfully. “Sorry!”
As they left, R’s mom gritted her teeth at me. “I’ll get you back, you know.”
Oh yeah. I know.
I would like for everyone to celebrate with me, as I passed a major parenting milestone this summer.
…wait for it….
EVERYONE CAN PUT ON THEIR OWN SEAT BELTS IN THE CAR NOW!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe it?
Now, to those of you who don’t have little kids, or have forgotten what it’s like to have little kids:
This is a big deal.
I have spent SEVENTEEN YEARS buckling people into car seats, kneeling on crumb-covered carpets and upholstery, handling sticky buckles and straps, maneuvering past struggling arms and legs. BUT NO MORE!!!
Now I sit calmly in the driver’s seat of the van and I say cheerily, “Buckle up!” and they ACTUALLY DO IT!
Over the weekend we went to Sea Life Park, which is here on O’ahu.
(My friend had discount passes. Score!)
I had heard it was not as nice as bigger parks like Sea World in Florida but I was pleasantly surprised. It was small but there were a lot of nice animals to see. Plus the location right beside the ocean made the view unbeatable.
The dolphin show (see above) was the best part; the kids really enjoyed that. While waiting for the show to start, we passed out snacks to the kids.
My friend had packed peanut butter crackers and apple slices for her kids. (Good Mom Points for preparation and healthy snacks!)
I had forgotten to pack snacks and had instead stopped at the convenience store on the way for sodas, cookies and chips. (Bad Mom Points for forgetfulness and junk food.)
When Boo opened her Dr. Pepper it spewed sticky soda all over her lap and the surrounding bleachers. Whoops.She blamed me for shaking it up in my purse. I said, “Oh, EXCUSE me for carrying your refreshing chilled beverage through this hot park on my own back!” (Bad Mom Points for sarcasm.)
Our group sidled away from the spilled soda puddle and pretended not to notice when some foreign tourists came over and discussed the mess at length. I hadn’t brought any napkins or wet wipes, so there was nothing else to do about the spill but ignore it. (Bad Mom Points for unpreparedness.)
My friend’s kids, who had been eating their nice healthy snacks, caught sight of my kids Pile o’Junk Food. Of course they immediately began clamoring for chips and cookies.
I did make my kids share with their junk-deprived friends. (I’m not sure if that’s Bad or Good Mom Points,actually. Sharing is good, right? Corrupting your friend’s children is bad, though.)
In any case, the kids had a great time at the park and got to feed the birds, pet the sea turtle, and view the penguins, sharks and dolphins at length.
Maybe I can have some Good Mom Points for a day of fun at a discount price…