Another Alaska Problem

I accidentally left wet clothes in the dryer overnight.

You know how sometimes you transfer the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer and then forget to switch the dryer on? When you do that, the clothes do not get dry. Amazingly enough.

Anyways, the next morning when I looked in the dryer, the wet clothes had frost crystals all over them.

I’m not kidding. Jack Frost had been in my DRYER.

This is because there is a small vent to the outside, apparently, and temperatures have dropped below -30 recently.

I guess I should be glad I don’t have to dry my clothes outdoors!

 

I didn’t mean to be rude

I was browsing Facebook after Christmas and I saw a picture of my friend’s young son with a toy rifle in his living room.

It was captioned something like, “He sure loves his Christmas present.” The kid was next to his father, who was showing him how to sight down the barrel.

Of course, I immediately thought of Ralphie in “A Christmas Story,” and the air rifle he wanted for Christmas.

So I commented with this meme, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”

Image result for "you'll shoot your eye out" meme

I thought that was pretty clever, but apparently my friend didn’t.

She actually unfriended me!!

I guess it was offensive?

Seriously, though, it was a joke! I’m not anti-toy-gun! (I’ve even posted about that before.)

I’m not even anti-REAL-gun! I’m from ALABAMA, for crying out loud!

Anyways, my ex-friend, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.

I’ll try to be less offensive in the future.

Useful Advice?

I was planning to take a bath later in the evening so I put my hair up on top of my head in a big clip before reading a story to my son, aged 9.

This hairstyle is called a “messy bun” when worn by models or celebrities, by the way.

I’m not sure what it’s called when I wear it, though.

Little Boy looked at me with narrowed eyes as I sat down and opened the book to read. He remarked dispassionately, “Your hair looks ugly like that.”

I pointed out that it was impolite to tell someone that their hair looks ugly. (Particularly your mother, I did not add.)

He said he was aware of that. “But,” he pointed out, “if I don’t tell you, then you’ll just keep doing that with your hair…

“And it looks UGLY.”

I’m sure he has my best interests at heart.

This ad is unhelpful

I saw a certain ridiculous advertisement on my Facebook wall.

(By the way, isn’t it creepy how Facebook knows EXACTLY what to advertise to me? It’s profiled me as a woman in her forties, so I get ads for cleaning products, wrinkle cream, and those panties you can pee yourself in and supposedly no one will know. To my younger friends who are thinking, “Ewwwww”– Just you WAIT!)

But I digress. It mostly gives me mom-related ads like these:

OK.

Just HOW does this solve the problem of having multiple kids?

Does it help moms grow extra arms?

Can it help restore a mother’s lost sanity?

At the very least, will it block some of the horrific noise generated by multiple children?

No? Then WHAT GOOD IS IT?!?!?

Where’s The Kid?

Little Boy often likes to sleep on the floor of his room, even though he has a perfectly good bed.
So the other day when I saw a blanket-covered lump on his bedroom floor, I strode carefully around it when I went inside in the morning to open his blinds and wake him.
Then I was surprised to find a second lump over near the window, and noticed that this lump had actual kid feet sticking out from under the blanket. I realized that this was really the kid, and the other one was a decoy.
Still, it looked so real, I wondered if maybe Little Girl had come in during the night to sleep in her brother’s room, even though this is something she had never done that I know of.
I cautiously poked the lump with my toe and discovered that it was Tommy, the stuffed elephant.
 Tommy is a BIG stuffed animal, as you can see.
By this time Little Boy had woken up and was beyond delighted that he had fooled me. He showed me how he had arranged the blankets just so, making it look like a person was under them.
I told him he was quite the trickster. That night, he decided to repeat the joke, apparently.
I looked into his room after he had fallen asleep and found he’d set up multiple blanket decoys all around.
I honestly had no idea which lump was my kid in there. I could only be sure that he was NOT in his bed. 

 

We need to socialize more, apparently

I took the twins to a holiday craft fair on a recent weekend and I noticed that my nine-year-old son may need some help responding appropriately to people in social situations.

A lady in one of the booths was making conversation while we looked at her wares. “What school do you go to?” she asked Little Boy.

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “Why?” he asked. “Are you trying to FIND us?!”

(I guess you can’t get away with anything with this kid!)

But, of course, that was a stranger, I told myself. He’s not used to talking to strangers. Still, he seemed to also have a problem with people he knows.

Unexpectedly we saw his teacher in another booth. She greeted him by name and asked, “How are you?”

Again he seemed suspicious and said slowly, “I don’t know how to answer that.”

Well!

(Truthfully I think he was just confused at seeing his teacher outside of school. Isn’t she supposed to LIVE in the classroom?)

Overheard in the backseat

Image result for ipad kids
image from amazon.com
I was driving the twins to the dentist and they both had their iPads to play with while they waited.
This meant that they were blissfully silent in the back seat and I was enjoying listening to the radio in peace. The guy on K-Love was reading Bible verses. I sighed happily.
Suddenly the quiet was broken by Little Boy’s voice. “Butt cheeks!!” he hollered at the top of his lungs. “Butt cheeks!!”
I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that Little Girl was taking a video of him with her iPad.
“Don’t call me butt cheeks,” she said sternly.
Unsurprisingly, he smiled and continued to yell over and over, “Butt cheeks!! Butt cheeks!!” while shoving his face near the iPad camera.
She said, “I’m recording this. And you’re going to look like a jerk when I get famous.”
Little Boy just grinned more widely and kept on yelling of course. 
Don’t you wish YOU had nine-year-old twins too?