Baking for the Lazy

Or, My Very Favorite Cookies, HOORAY!

At the commissary I saw they had Hershey’s Kisses on clearance for 99 cents.

Okay, I’ll admit, they were in red and green wrappers, and Christmas was about nine months ago, but still…

NINETY-NINE CENT KISSES!!!!

I could not pass that up. Come on to town, Santa! I’ll take chocolate anytime!

To further celebrate, I bought peanut butter cookie dough in the dairy section so that I could make:

THE (DELICIOUSLY) EASIEST COOKIES ON EARTH!!

Photo_1ECFCC77-0E69-277E-95C7-7F699721A4A8

(Yes, I know this picture is terrible. That’s why this is a HUMOR blog, and not a cooking blog. Or a photography one, for that matter.)

Trash Day Tragedy

One Tuesday morning, I was calmly brushing my teeth when I heard a rumbling noise outside.

Hmm, I thought. That sounds like a the trash truck. Good thing I put the trash out last night.

trashday

Then I thought, Wait, DID I put the trash out last night?

I remember INTENDING to put the trash out.

trashday2

But when I first thought of the trash, it was raining out. “I’ll do it later,” I told myself.

I remembered again after dinner. ‘I’ll do it after I finish the dishes,” I told myself.

The next time I remembered, I was already in bed. “I’ll do it in the morning,” I told myself.

GAH!!!! I realized. IT’S MORNING NOW!!!!

I ran downstairs and flew out the front door… in time to see the trash truck disappearing down the street.

trashday3

I know they saw me chasing them.

I can’t imagine why they didn’t stop…

Dolphins and Penguins and Sharks, Oh My!

Over the weekend we went to Sea Life Park, which is here on O’ahu.

Photo_2624F681-8D3C-58BC-A8EE-B5658DA4831B

(My friend had discount passes. Score!)

I had heard it was not as nice as bigger parks like Sea World in Florida but I was pleasantly surprised. It was small but there were a lot of nice animals to see. Plus the location right beside the ocean made the view unbeatable.

The dolphin show (see above) was the best part; the kids really enjoyed that. While waiting for the show to start, we passed out snacks to the kids.

My friend had packed peanut butter crackers and apple slices for her kids. (Good Mom Points for preparation and healthy snacks!)

I had forgotten to pack snacks and had instead stopped at the convenience store on the way for sodas, cookies and chips. (Bad Mom Points for forgetfulness and junk food.)

When Boo opened her Dr. Pepper it spewed sticky soda all over her lap and the surrounding bleachers. Whoops.She blamed me for shaking it up in my purse. I said, “Oh, EXCUSE me for carrying your refreshing chilled beverage through this hot park on my own back!” (Bad Mom Points for sarcasm.)

Our group sidled away from the spilled soda puddle and pretended not to notice when some foreign tourists came over and discussed the mess at length. I hadn’t brought any napkins or wet wipes, so there was nothing else to do about the spill but ignore it. (Bad Mom Points for unpreparedness.)

My friend’s kids, who had been eating their nice healthy snacks, caught sight of my kids Pile o’Junk Food. Of course they immediately began clamoring for chips and cookies.

I did make my kids share with their junk-deprived friends. (I’m not sure if that’s Bad or Good Mom Points,actually. Sharing is good, right? Corrupting your friend’s children is bad, though.)

In any case, the kids had a great time at the park and got to feed the birds, pet the sea turtle, and view the penguins, sharks and dolphins at length.

Photo_0863AA8F-4C72-8116-D08E-FB0A6EBB2B06

Maybe I can have some Good Mom Points for a day of fun at a discount price…

Duped by the tabloids

Photo_7CCD39AA-BF9D-E463-959E-37D9EB4CDA25I like to read the tabloid headlines while I’m waiting in line at the store.

Oh, come on! You know you do it too!

But the other day one magazine interested me so much I had to buy it:

Photo_459C6E29-7F23-D564-4A4E-040FFB947EDF

I just HAD to know about Angelina Jolie and how she was pregnant with twins again!

(In my defense, I have a lot in common with Angelina. I am a mother of twins myself. And a brunette. And… Okay, I guess that’s where our similarities end.)

So, as a fellow mother, I wanted to read all about this. Could she really be pregnant with twins AGAIN? There was an ultrasound of two babies right on the cover!

I mean, it does happen! Once you’ve had twins, you’re more likely to do it again.

Which is why I’ve had my tubes tied, but I digress.

Even the drugstore checkout girl was interested in the cover of the magazine. “Wow!” she said. “Is she really pregnant with twins again?” We discussed it at length.

Anyways, the short answer is…

She’s NOT.

Inside the magazine, you find that the only facts they actually have is that “a source” says that Angelina is “interested” in having more children, and that she might “consider” in-vitro and “possibly” have twins again.

LAME.

And that ultrasound on the cover?

In tiny tiny letters (white on gray) it says, “Ultrasound could look like this.”

I was FISHED IN!!!

Well played, OK Magazine.

How to tell that you’ve been eating at McDonald’s too often

I picked up Happy Meals for the twins in the drive-thru and passed the food to the backseat while driving to keep them quiet for five minutes.

What, like YOU’VE never done that?!

Little Boy opened his and exclaimed:

“Awww, a FART GUN?! We already HAVE a fart gun.”

FART GUN

Sometimes you look at your kids and think, Maybe I should just start over…