He’s Not a Fan

We went to a show at the big library in my hometown where my uncle, who is a children’s musician, was playing a short concert.

The library’s theme for their summer reading program was “Build a Better World,” so at the end of the show he told the kids to think of something they could do to help make the world a better place. “Tell one of the library ladies your idea on the way out,” he said, “and they’ll give you a sticker!”

I took the twins over to where kids were lining up for stickers and told them to think of something to say. I suggested recycling.

“Grown-ups love it when you say you are going to recycle,” I told the kids. No one liked that idea.

Little Girl decided she didn’t really want a sticker but Little Boy seemed to be thinking hard. When we got to the front of the line, he whispered something in the library lady’s ear.

“What?” she said. “I can’t hear you. How would you help make a better world?”

I leaned in to help listen and heard my son say, “I’d help the library put on better shows.”

I yanked him out of line before anyone could hear that statement and pulled him aside. “You can’t say THAT!” I hissed. “Think of something else.”

He looked at me. “Well, if I got the sticker I could try to make it last forever,” he said. “That would be good for the world.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just go back over there and tell the nice lady you are going to recycle, okay?”

He sighed and got back in line. “I’m going to recycle,” he said dispiritedly.

“Oh wow!” said the lady excitedly, handing him the sticker. “That’s a great way to build a better world!”

Little Boy looked less than enthusiastic, but he stuck the sticker on his shirt and came back to me. I was pleased to have avoided having him trash my uncle’s concert to library management, and he seemed fairly happy with the sticker, so I’ll call that a win/win.

Note: Later on, Little Boy was talking about how much he’d liked the show, so I said, “Why did you want them to get better shows then?”

It turns out that what he’d meant was that they should have more shows at the library LIKE THAT ONE. So I suppose he wasn’t actually trashing the concert… but it had sure sounded like it!

Oversharing in the Airport

We were going through the airport security checkpoint on our way back from visiting relatives for the summer when my bag was picked for extra inspection.

I suppose it looked suspicious because it was crammed so full of stuff.

The TSA agents dug through my backpack, randomly swabbing various items to test for bomb residue (including some paperback novels, my half- finished quilt squares, and a bunch of Laffy Taffy candy). I wondered which of the Laffy Taffies looked the most likely to be a bomb, since he was only checking some of them.

My nine-year-old daughter took the opportunity to ask me: “Mom, what’s a trophy wife?”

I tried to think of an explanation. “Well,” I said, “I guess it’s a wife that’s way better than the other wives so she costs a lot of money.”

All the TSA agents around us burst out laughing.

I shrugged. “Sorry guys,” I said. “Looks like she’s been listening to people trash-talk each other on family vacation.”

Do we still look suspicious?

The Fidget Spinner

This summer on family vacation, Little Boy purchased a fidget spinner at the souvenir store.
In case you haven’t seen one before, it’s a plastic and metal thingy that kids an spin around in their hand for fun.
They are wildly popular and were being confiscated left and right by the teachers at the twins’ elementary school all year for disrupting class. This of course makes them all the more a fabulous and coveted object in the world of kids.
He was extremely excited about his new fidget spinner and showed it to everyone at the vacation house. In a family full of schoolteachers, this did not go over well. Invariably they said, “Ugh! I hate those things!”
But Little Boy loved it! He played with it all the time.
That’s why I was surprised a day or two later to come in and find the fidget spinner resting in a pan of hot water in the kitchen.
“What’s this?” I asked. Little Boy complained that Little Girl had gotten annoyed with him and taken the fidget spinner away. “And she put it in her UNDERWEAR!!” he finished with indignation.
“I see,” I said. “So now it has to be sterilized?”
He eyed the offending object doubtfully. “Dad said he could get it clean but I don’t know…”
Well, so much for the fidget spinner, I guess!

 

It depends on what the definition of “old” is

Conversation with my just-turned-nine-year-old son:

  • HIM: Is Adventure Time an old show?
  • ME:  I guess… I mean it’s not a brand-NEW show…
  • HIM: So it’s old, then?
  • ME:  Well, I wouldn’t call it OLD, exactly…
  • HIM: Why not?
  • ME: It wasn’t around when I was a kid or anything.
  • HIM: (laughs) Well I know THAT. It’s in color!
  • ME: How old do you think I am, kid?
image from https://collectionofawesome.com

How I plan dinners

Usually I stand in the kitchen and ask myself, “What will I NOT HATE that I can make tonight without too much trouble?” And then I answer myself, “Cold cereal it is!”

No, I’m joking, obviously.

I do have to cook so the people in the house don’t starve. The trouble is, I really HATE meal planning.

I know people who have wonderful little calendars planned out with each meal for the week all written down, and they buy all the ingredients in advance to fit each dinner so that both grocery shopping and cooking are a model of efficiency.

This is SO NOT ME.

I have mentioned before my model for food shopping, which is basically just throwing stuff onto my cart at random. (Click here if you want to see an illustrated version of that.)

And whenever I try to assign certain meals to certain days of the week I feel trapped and suddenly lose my appetite for whatever I’ve planned.

It feels like Food Slavery to me. But of course, we have to eat SOMETHING.

So here’s what I do.

When I get back from the store and start putting away all my random purchases, I make  list of all the meals I can possibly make from the stuff I just bought.

(While I’m saying to myself, “Why did I get this again?” and “Oh shoot, I forgot some essential thing!” of course.)

I post the list on the refrigerator. Then when it’s time to make dinner, I can look at the list and pick something, crossing it off after I make it.

ACTUAL PHOTO FROM MY FRIDGE

So.. THERE.

Don’t say I never put anything practical on this blog. Have you SEEN my new recipe tab?!