I saw this on Facebook. I guess it’s supposed to be inspiring?
You know what I say to that?
Yeah, I’ll stay humble.
I accidentally left wet clothes in the dryer overnight.
You know how sometimes you transfer the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer and then forget to switch the dryer on? When you do that, the clothes do not get dry. Amazingly enough.
I’m not kidding. Jack Frost had been in my DRYER.
This is because there is a small vent to the outside, apparently, and temperatures have dropped below -30 recently.
I guess I should be glad I don’t have to dry my clothes outdoors!
I was browsing Facebook after Christmas and I saw a picture of my friend’s young son with a toy rifle in his living room.
It was captioned something like, “He sure loves his Christmas present.” The kid was next to his father, who was showing him how to sight down the barrel.
Of course, I immediately thought of Ralphie in “A Christmas Story,” and the air rifle he wanted for Christmas.
So I commented with this meme, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”
I thought that was pretty clever, but apparently my friend didn’t.
I guess it was offensive?
Seriously, though, it was a joke! I’m not anti-toy-gun! (I’ve even posted about that before.)
I’m not even anti-REAL-gun! I’m from ALABAMA, for crying out loud!
Anyways, my ex-friend, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
I’ll try to be less offensive in the future.
I was planning to take a bath later in the evening so I put my hair up on top of my head in a big clip before reading a story to my son, aged 9.
Little Boy looked at me with narrowed eyes as I sat down and opened the book to read. He remarked dispassionately, “Your hair looks ugly like that.”
I pointed out that it was impolite to tell someone that their hair looks ugly. (Particularly your mother, I did not add.)
He said he was aware of that. “But,” he pointed out, “if I don’t tell you, then you’ll just keep doing that with your hair…
“And it looks UGLY.”
I’m sure he has my best interests at heart.
(By the way, isn’t it creepy how Facebook knows EXACTLY what to advertise to me? It’s profiled me as a woman in her forties, so I get ads for cleaning products, wrinkle cream, and those panties you can pee yourself in and supposedly no one will know. To my younger friends who are thinking, “Ewwwww”– Just you WAIT!)
But I digress. It mostly gives me mom-related ads like these:
Just HOW does this solve the problem of having multiple kids?
Does it help moms grow extra arms?
Can it help restore a mother’s lost sanity?
At the very least, will it block some of the horrific noise generated by multiple children?
No? Then WHAT GOOD IS IT?!?!?
I took the twins to a holiday craft fair on a recent weekend and I noticed that my nine-year-old son may need some help responding appropriately to people in social situations.
He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “Why?” he asked. “Are you trying to FIND us?!”
(I guess you can’t get away with anything with this kid!)
But, of course, that was a stranger, I told myself. He’s not used to talking to strangers. Still, he seemed to also have a problem with people he knows.
Unexpectedly we saw his teacher in another booth. She greeted him by name and asked, “How are you?”
Again he seemed suspicious and said slowly, “I don’t know how to answer that.”
(Truthfully I think he was just confused at seeing his teacher outside of school. Isn’t she supposed to LIVE in the classroom?)
Over the weekend I went to a Christian ladies conference in Colorado Springs. (It was wonderful of course.)
One of the things they had there was a representative from the company 3 Seams, which is one of those fair trade type things where they help women in third world countries make a living wages sewing clothing or making jewelry. They had the beautiful wrap things for sale with pretty colors and soft fabrics.
The girl demonstrated how you could wear it as a jacket or a scarf or whatever and lots of the ladies were buying them. Everyone who had one looked great in it. It was like something all the cool ladies had.
I passed the table like twenty times and finally succumbed on the last day and bought one in a gorgeous blue color. I was super pleased with myself and my purchase. I was ready to be cool like everyone else.
Then I came home and got ready to wear my fabulous new wrap in real life.
Somehow, it just doesn’t look as good on me as it did on those cool ladies. And from the back?
My 17-year old said, “Mom, you look like a giant M-n-M!”
Wow. Well, at least the craftswomen in Cambodia got a fair wage out of it.
What do you think? Am I cool yet?