The cat wants attention

Usually the cat is not interested in me at all, ignoring the fact that I’m the one who feeds him and cleans out his litterbox. He loves his father best.

But then my husband went away for a week and the cat got lonely, following me around and meowing to be petted.

One night while my husband was gone, I was really tired and did not want to pet the cat any more, so I tried to lie still and demonstrate that I was asleep and could not be disturbed.


The cat started at me like a vulture for hours I think, but I persevered. I slept pretty well.

But the next morning  the cat knew just what to do. He went to the desk and sat directly on my Bible and devotional book, knowing I would be pickling it up.

He looked at me triumphantly, seeming to say, “You can’t avoid me now!”


Okay. His father needs to come home. Now.

…..Want more stories about my cat? Click on one of the links below:

Cat Origin Story

Cat vs. Mouse 

Cat vs. Fish

Cat vs. Mouse Again

Cat vs. Another Fish

Zumba tried to kill me. (But my family didn’t help much either.)

So I went to my first ever Zumba class yesterday.

I know, I know. I’m behind the times. Zumba has been popular for the last 10-15 years. But I am slow.

A fact that was driven home to me most forcefully during a high-energy exercise class with about fifty women in a mirrored room. I looked at my scared, stumbling, red-faced reflection and thought, Girl, you are SLOW.

But it’s okay. A kind Amazon woman next to me helped as much as she could, calling out LEFT! and RIGHT! and TURN!!!! I know she was thinking , This sad slow white girl is gonna die right beside me.

(By the way, I use the term Amazon in the most complimentary way possible. This lady was over six feet tall: dreadlocked, bejewled and gorgeous.)

When we finally got to the cool-down phase my Amazonian friend said, “You made it!” I think she was almost as  surprised as I was.

I took a picture outside the gym, and in my addled-by-exhaustion state, I posted it to facebook. This may be the most unflattering selfie ever, but it’s gotten more “likes” than any other picture I’ve posted.


When I got home, all I wanted to do was take a shower and lie down. But of course, it didn’t work out that way.

As soon as I walked in from the garage, I saw my husband’s work pants sitting on top of the washing machine. (Code for, “I need these pants washed by tomorrow.”)  

Slowly I moved clean clothes from the dryer to the basket, wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, and put the pants in the washer along with any other dirty things lying around on the laundry room floor. My muscles groaned every time I bent over. I threw in soap and switched on both machines.

I shuffled out of the laundry room. I wanted to go straight up to my room. But I looked at the living room. Dirty dishes covered the coffee table. (I knew this was code for, “No one has done anything in the kitchen all night except eat and make a mess.”)

So I forced my legs to walk. I collected all the plates and took them to the sink. Unsurprised, I surveyed the leftover food (which I’d cooked before I left) spread all over the counter. Slowly, slowly, I bent to get out the tupperware and put everything away.

One of the twins yelled from upstairs, “Mommy! Are you home? Mommy!?” 

I stowed the food in the fridge and stacked the dishes in the sink. The other twin began yelling for me as well.  I started crawling up the stairs to put the twins to bed.

Now, let me point out that their father was with them. He made sure they’d had their baths and were ready for bed. But apparently, as soon as Mommy enters the area, Daddy is absolved of all kid responsibility by their mutual agreement. Even when Mommy feels on the brink of death.

After the twins were finally in bed, I told my husband that I was going to take a shower and then lie on my bed and die.

GG poked her head out of her room. “Before you die, Mom,” she said. “Can you make my bed up?”

It is amazing, the sympathy these people have for me.

My dishwasher has been disabled by ants

Recently I noticed an invasion of ants in my dishwasher.

I’ve never seen this before. I thought dishwashers were supposed to be clean!

I called an exterminator. He seemed unsurprised. He said dishwasher are a great place for ants to hang out, full of water and tiny bits of food. Ew.


He set up poison baits inside the dishwasher and told me not to use it for a few days. Hopefully that will kill the ants and stop them from coming back.

But in the meantime, the dishes must be washed by hand.

IMG_0423By which of course, I mean that *I* have to wash the dishes by hand. No one else is likely to touch them.

I don’t even know why I put the “do not use sign” on the dishwasher since I’m the only one that ever opens the thing.

Well, me and the ants…

Talking to the gate guards


We lived on a closed Army post, and so we have to go through a checkpoint gate several times every day. I kind of feel sorry for the MP’s who have to stand there all day and look at people’s ID’s. I’m sure it is boring.

We were going through the gate late at night once when I met the most cheerful guard yet.

  • Guard. How are you ma’am?
  • Me. I’m fine and how are you?
  • Guard. I am wonderful!
  • Me. (driving away) hmmm. I suspect hyperbole.
  • Husband. (snorts) I suspect outright lying.

He’s such a cynic…

Kitty Woes

Our cat has a urinary infection of some kind.

My husband took him to the vet after we had noticed he was peeing on the floor and continually licking himself in an –ahem– delicate area.

The cat, I mean. My husband almost never pees on the floor.

I received the following text while the two of them were at the vet clinic.


I’m not sure which one of them sent it.

In any case, now the cat has to take an antibiotic. Meaning, my husband has to catch him and force a pill down his throat twice a day.

Unfortunately, he gave the cat the first dose on our bed. Which is now covered in cat pee. This is either due to feline revenge, or as a symptom of the cat’s illness.

Either way, GROSS!!!!

Maybe I should have saved the cat from the vet and he’d feel more kindly towards me…

Cleaning the microwave

My friend sent me a pin about cleaning the microwave.

Easy way to clean your microwave - heat a bowl of water and vinegar for 5 minutes, the steam will dissolve stuck on stains. Simply wipe off.  Genius!!!!
Easy way to clean your microwave – heat a bowl of water and vinegar for 5 minutes, the steam will dissolve stuck on stains. Simply wipe off. Genius!!!!

Now I’ll admit that my microwave isn’t the cleanest on earth, so I tried this.


It worked pretty well, although it made the kitchen smell too vinegar-y. I think plain water would have been just as good.

Now that it’s clean I need to post a sign that says, 

“Put a paper towel on your Beefaroni, kids….

…and for the love of all that is good, PUT A PLATE UNDER YOUR HOT POCKET!!!”

The Scentsy Switch

I saw this tip on pinterest for switching scents in a melted-wax “Scentsy” warmer.

Place a cotton ball in your melted wax and watch it absorb before your eyes, after it's absorbed throw it away. Easy way to switch scents.
Place a cotton ball in your melted wax and watch it absorb before your eyes, after it’s absorbed throw it away. Easy way to switch scents.

I have two of these plug-in warmers in my house and they make it smell GREAT! The only “problem” is, you have to change out the scent every few days to keep it fresh. (I alternate upstairs and downstairs.)

Normally, what I do is switch off the warmer so that the wax hardens, and then gouge it out with the back of a (no-eraser) pencil.


It usually comes out pretty cleanly.  (Not counting the dead bug embedded in the wax above, of course.)

But I thought this cotton-ball tip was worth a try.


First of all, one cotton ball wasn’t enough.


And then the challenge was to get the cotton balls unstuck from my fingers and into the trash.


My fingertips still feel a little gucky.

Still, though, I guess this tip would work well enough if you didn’t want to wait for the wax to harden.

Probably it would be best with a GIANT cotton ball.

Things I tried to do over Christmas break

If you are familiar with Star Wars quotes, you know what Yoda says about “trying.”

Well Yoda, I beg to differ. Sometimes, especially as  a mom, all you CAN do is try.

Here are some things I tried to do recently, with varying degrees of success:

I tried to have a telephone conversation while all the kids were home on break.


I tried to fix my hair nicely on Sunday morning.


I tried to find my teenage daughter’s orthodontic retainer in the outside dumpster.


Here’s the score, out of 3 things tried:

  • Almost succeeds: 1
  • Mostly fails: 1
  • Complete Fails: 1

That Bucket-Filling Tip

I keep seeing this tip on pinterest for filling big buckets.


I finally decided to try it. Here;s the setup.


The first problem I noticed is that my dustpan has a hole in the handle (for hanging it up).

In fact, I believe every dustpan I’ve ever seen has a hole in the handle. 

Anyways, I switched on the water to try it.


It turned out the water just filled the dustpan and flowed backwards onto the back of the sink instead of out through the handle. This is due to the fact that my sink is not sloped downwards.

I’ll bet no one else’s sink is sloped downwards is either. Because the point of a sink is to HOLD WATER IN, not dump it on the floor.

So I tried to figure out how to prop the dustpan up so that IT would slope downwards.

I jammed a plastic cup under the dustpan and tried turning on the water again.

Surprise! This actually worked.


So the verdict is: This tip works, with some minor modification, but I think it’s more effort than really necessary.

Bug Spray Alternative?

I saw this on pinterest and I was skeptical:

Use alcohol in a spray bottle to kill bugs in your home instead of the toxic stuff. Alcohol dries clean with no oily residue and is more eff...

But to my surprise… It actually worked!

I found a swarm of ants under a pile of toys (The twins had left a crust of bread on the floor and buried it in the toy area. Ugh.)

I sprayed the whole area with the alcohol and the ants all died. Then the alcohol evaporated and nothing was left behind but the dead bugs. 

Bwa ha ha!!

Also it didn’t smell like bug spray, which was cool.

Apparently there are a whole lot of other things you can do with rubbing alcohol. Check out this blog if you are interested.

Still, pinterest has also informed me that rubbing alcohol is TOXIC. (Duh. That’s why I wanted it to kill bugs. So they would be DEAD.)

Rubbing alcohol is toxic and its use and production is terrible for the environment. It is NOT a green cleaning agent. Isopropyl is made from fossil fuels and ethanol-based rubbing alcohol is adulterated with methyl ethyl ketone and acetone.
Rubbing alcohol is toxic and its use and production is terrible for the environment. It is NOT a green cleaning agent. Isopropyl is made from fossil fuels and ethanol-based rubbing alcohol is adulterated with methyl ethyl ketone and acetone.

So, I guess I can’t pat myself on the back for being “green.” Oh well.

But it was cheaper and better smelling than bug spray and that works for me.