How (not) to write a successful Blog Post

BARCODE

1. Think of a great idea. The best time for this is right before going to sleep. There are lots of ideas hanging around in your head, ready to pop up as soon as you lie down.

2. DON’T write down your idea. Instead, just think about it. Let it run around in your head.

3. Begin to mentally compose the blog post. Chuckle silently at your own cleverness. Again, DON’T write anything down.

4. Remind yourself to write this incredible idea down as soon as you get up. Think about what an awesome post it’s going to be. But do NOT, by any means, get out of bed and do anything.

5. Go to sleep.

6. Forget the entire thing. The end.

I’ll take entertainment wherever I can

Untitled

I’ve started amusing myself by responding to my fake commentators.

Only the ones in English, of course. As for the twenty or thirty comments a day I am receiving written in Japanese and Italian– I’m just marking those as “spam” and trashing them.

So here’s a few sample comments and replies:

Them: Just break up? Can you get your girl back? Find out how!

Me: Wow, thanks for the offer, but I’m good. I’ve got enough girls.

Them: Thank you a lot for sharing this with all of us you really realize what you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also discuss with my web site =). We could have a hyperlink exchange contract between us

Me: I would love to talk approximately with you in a hyperlink exchange contract; however, I fear you are not an actual person. Alas.

Them: Two corporations that owned the Post cereal brand have agreed to pay $635,000 in fines to settle allegations that they failed to prevent air pollution from a Modesto plant where Grape-Nuts, Banana Nut Crunch and other products were made. –when are the new york giants playing[/url]

Me: Your comment is very interesting. Not only does it have nothing to do with MY post, it doesn’t even relate to when the New York Giants are playing. Also I always thought Grape Nuts and Banana Nut Crunch were icky cereals, but who knew they were also bad for the environment? Wow.

Now you’re just being mean

spam

I moved my blog here in hopes of getting more traffic and more comments.

Well, I’ve definitely gotten more comments. The problem is, they are almost all SPAM!

So I think people actually like me, but it is only a CRUEL TRICK.

It is terrible, because I got so excited today when it said “3 NEW COMMENTS” and then I clicked on it and the comments are:

#1. Leftover food can also, be sealed and kept in these, to keep the aroma and taste intact, as the moisture and oxygen cannot penetrate through it and always keep a gap of at least 3 inches, from the main food product, in order, to keep the sealing of the food stable.

#2. You should try this company for getting more traffic: http://gmbal.com/079x – I use it on all of my blogs and I am very happy. This service will get you targeted website visitors with no effort on your part. Thank me later!

 #3. Probably Philadelphia, too. I suspect that Chris Ivory is a better runner than Bilal Powell, but Powell is starting and is largely undrafted. Ivory sometimes is a fifth-round fantasy pick. Powell also is the primary goal-line runner given the Jets plan to use the wildcat in short yardage (hes the quarterback in that set).

WHAT?!

I mean, #2 I get; that’s a straightforward sales pitch. But the others? Who exactly are you people targeting?

And it’s just mean to get my hopes up that people are actually reading and liking my blog, when you only want to say some random thing about FOOD STORAGE!!!

A blonde woman is shouting forward with both of her hands tied with a coil of rope. She is sitting atop a railway line. Above the woman the words "Taylor Swift" and "Mean" are written in grey color. Next to her is a man with a handlebar moustache wearing a black top hat. He is standing astride with an open clasp and his eyes are looking towards the woman.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mean_(song)

Bad spammers. BAD!!!

Like Taylor Swift said…

All you are is MEAN.