A Valentine’s Dinner Conversation

WAIT

My husband and I went out to dinner last weekend. Like everyone else on earth, apparently.

I thought if we went the day AFTER Valentine’s we would miss the crowd, so we waited until Saturday night. There was over an hour wait for a table, so I guess the crowd was still there.

Here’s a sample of the conversation we had while waiting:

  • Me: This is SO boring.
  • Him: Yeah. What time is it?
  • Me: Like one minute after I last checked the time.
  • Him: Oh.
  • Me: You want to talk about something?
  • Him: Sure.
  • (long pause)
  • Me: So go ahead then.
  • Him; I was waiting for you to start.
  • (long pause)
  • Me: I should have looked up those interview questions.
  • Him: What?
  • Me: At my ladies’ group last week, the chaplain came and told us how we could strengthen our relationships with our husbands by interviewing each other.
  • Him: You want me to interview you?
  • Me: Well, yeah. But I forgot to look up the questions.
  • Him: That’s okay. I do interviews all the time at work.
  • Me: You mean with your patients? (Note: He’s a psychiatrist.)
  • Him: Yeah. You want me to interview you?
  • Me: Oh…kay…
  • Him: (putting on a serious doctor-y face) So, what brings you in here today?
  • Me: In here? In this restaurant?
  • Him: Yes.
  • Me: Well, I’m pretty hungry.
  • Him: Hmmm. And how long has hunger been a problem for you?
  • Me: Um, a few hours now, I guess.
  • Him: I see. And have you had this problem before in the past?
  • Me: Uh, yes.
  • Him: How often does the problem recur?
  • Me: Pretty much every day.
  • Him. Interesting.┬áSo how do you usually deal with this problem?
  • Me: Usually? I eat something.
  • Him: Ah. And how does that work out for you, usually?
  • Me: When I eat something?
  • Him: Yes. What does that coping strategy generally do for your hunger problem?
  • Me: Um. Generally I’m not hungry anymore after eating.
  • Him: I see. Very interesting.
  • Me: Right.
  • Him: But you say the problem returns again soon after?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Every day?
  • Me: Sometimes several times a day.
  • Him: Ah. So this is a chronic condition for you.
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him. Hmm. So what about your family history?
  • Me: My family?
  • Him: Yes. Has hunger been a problem in your family? Historically?
  • Me: Well, yeah. I’d say everyone in my family has suffered from hunger at some point.
  • Him: I see. So it’s quite pervasive.
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Well, I have some ideas about what this could be.
  • Me: Really?
  • Him: But I think I’ll have to order some labs first.

You can tell he’s a doctor….

Having it your way?

facebook

I wrote this for a Facebook status, but I didn’t include the strangest part. After the man finished getting dressed in the parking lot, he went inside TO WORK.

Yes indeed, he’d been getting his Burger King uniform on in full view of the lunch-rush drive-thru line at said restaurant.

By the way, witnessing that display did not in any way make me lose my appetite for a Whopper. With cheese.

image from 9logodesign.com

Why you don’t want to take me out to lunch

I went out to lunch with a friend recently.

Unfortunately, the twins were out of school, so I had to drag them along.

restaurant1

My friend was very gracious about this, and refrained from comment as Little Girl jumped all over the seat, exposed her underwear to a neighboring table, and wondered aloud why her gourmet macaroni and cheese did not resemble Kraft Easy Mac.

But then the upholstery of my seat (ahem) made a noise.

Little Boy hollered at top volume: “Mommy! You FARTED!!”

restaurant2

My friend tried to pretend she didn’t hear anything.

I said calmly that I did not fart; my seat cushion made a noise. I demonstrated the noise by sliding around on the upholstery of the booth some more.

Little Boy scoffed openly at this.”That’s not the sound, Mommy. You made a sound like THHBBBTT!!! And that’s a FART! You FARTED!!!!”

He laughed uproariously.

restaurant3

My friend could not contain her own laughter at this point. And I know she was thinking, “Just admit you farted, girl. Your son’s not a fool.”

I don’t think she’ll be wanting to go anywhere with me for a while.

But let the record show: I did not fart. IT WAS THE SEAT!!!!!