You may already be a winner

 I got a call from a man claiming to be from Publisher’s Clearing House. They had my name and address. The man said I’d won the jackpot, but I didn’t believe him.

Here is an “artist’s conception” of the caller, (my husband made it) and following that is a transcript of our conversation.

  • Him: You’ve just won 3.5 million dollars!! How are you feeling right now?
  • Me: I’m fine. How are you?
  • Him: Um…
  • Me: So what’s the catch?
  • Him: Oh no, ma’am! There’s no catch; there’s no trick. This is serious business here.
  • Me: Okay. Well, I don’t think I entered the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes.
  • Him: You don’t remember filling out an entry?
  • Me: No.
  • Him: Well…. Have you shopped at Wal-Mart recently?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Okay then! You entered!
  • Me: Really.
  • Him: Oh yes! Now get some paper and a pen because this is important. You need to write this down.
  • Me: Okay.
  • Him: Do you have the paper? This is serious business here!
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Well, write this down. You have won THREE POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. And a Mercedes.
  • Me: Uh huh.
  • Him: Are you writing this down?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Now this will all be delivered to your home there in Hawaii. And of course you’ll be responsible for the taxes on that money. but not until you receive it, of course!
  • Me: Uh huh.
  • Him: Now this is serious business here. Do you know what a bar code is?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Him: Well, your check will have to have a bar code on it, since it’s for such a large amount.
  • Me: Okay.
  • Him: And so you’ll need to pay a small bar code fee of $250 so that this check can be delivered to your home there in Hawaii.
  • Me: I need to give you $250?
  • Him: Well not ME of course! You just need to go down to your local CVS drugstore and send that fee to prize headquarters.
  • Me: $250.
  • Him: Yes. So you need to go right now. Is there a cell phone I can call you on so we can keep in touch while you’re on the way?
  • Me: Um, no. I don’t think so.
  • Him: But you need to go right away! This is serious business!
  • Me: Okay. Here’s the thing. I know that legitimate prizes do not require me to pay money. So I don’t think you are from Publisher’s Clearing House.
  • Him: (silence)
  • Me: Okay. So I’m hanging up now. Goodbye.

Well, this was a couple of weeks ago, and I still haven’t  received that big check he promised. Good thing I didn’t pay that “Bar Code fee.”

And I didn’t get a Mercedes, either.

Trash Day Tragedy

One Tuesday morning, I was calmly brushing my teeth when I heard a rumbling noise outside.

Hmm, I thought. That sounds like a the trash truck. Good thing I put the trash out last night.


Then I thought, Wait, DID I put the trash out last night?

I remember INTENDING to put the trash out.


But when I first thought of the trash, it was raining out. “I’ll do it later,” I told myself.

I remembered again after dinner. ‘I’ll do it after I finish the dishes,” I told myself.

The next time I remembered, I was already in bed. “I’ll do it in the morning,” I told myself.

GAH!!!! I realized. IT’S MORNING NOW!!!!

I ran downstairs and flew out the front door… in time to see the trash truck disappearing down the street.


I know they saw me chasing them.

I can’t imagine why they didn’t stop…