I bought those special sneaker laces from an ad that promised my kids would never have to tie their shoes again! (My kids broke them in less than a week.)
I bought a snazzy gift-wrap paper cutting tool that said it would both organize my Christmas paper and streamline the wrapping process! (It didn’t fit any of my actual rolls of paper.)
None of these things quite worked out as advertised, as you can see, but I remain a sucker. Hope springs eternal, after all. I read the ads and think to myself, Maybe THIS particular plastic item shipped from a sweatshop in Asia really WILL make me prettier/ happier/more organized. Maybe I really SHOULD buy the pee-proof underwear they keep showing me, and reminding me that it’s great for women of my age.
Yeah, maybe not.
But some of the stuff wish.com advertises really has me baffled. I can’t imagine why anyone would order these things.
In what universe would anyone wear this? Even young Julia Roberts in full Pretty Woman gear wore the same trashy stockings on BOTH LEGS.
What on EARTH could these be for? I don’t think they would fit in my actual mouth and operate as tooth substitutes. And even if they could, why would I need FOUR SETS AT A TIME? This baffles me.
And, finally… #3:
What IS this?!?! What is it FOR? I can’t even.
So, thanks to wish.com, but no thanks. I’ll pass.
Although, I’m still thinking about that pee-proof underwear….
Every time I get in my car, my phone likes to tell me how close I am to my house.
I’m not sure why does this. I’m at the grocery store and I get in my car and look at the phone screen and it says helpfully, “12 minutes to get home; take Washington Road.”
Yeah I’m aware. I drove here myself. From my house. Less than an hour ago.
My 16-year-old daughter Boo has just started driving herself to school. She says her phone has decided that the high school is called “work.” And when she gets in her car in the morning, her phone says helpfully, “Would you like directions to work?”
No, I’m pretty clear on how to get there. I go there every day.
Honestly, I think my phone is just showing off at this point. It just wants me to know exactly how much it knows about me.
It’s got a slightly creepy vibe, like that old song by The Police.
My phone just wants to say, “I know where you live. I know where you work. I know where you are at all times.
I started using the online grocery service at Wal-Mart.
In general, I really like it; I can order my groceries on the computer at night and pick them up the next day. They even have to load my car! Thanks, guys! I’ll let you handle it for me.
The only problem is that I can’t use my nice “sustainable shopping bags” anymore; the groceries come prepacked in plastic Wal-Mart bags. This is not really a big deal. I can recycle the plastic bags, after all.
But those plastic bags slide around like crazy in the back of my car. One day I opened the rear hatch and was almost splattered with falling salsa!
Fortunately, the jars stopped rolling JUST BEFORE they fell all the way out of the car and smashed on the concrete garage floor. Whew!
Then I took the bags inside and put them in the kitchen…..
Where I somehow managed to smash a jar MYSELF on the counter!
Hey, Wal-Mart, can you guys help me bring my stuff inside too? I don’t think I can handle it.
So… it’s Valentine’s Day again, that special time of year when the depth of your man’s love is measured by how much he’s willing be overcharged for flowers.
Can you tell I’m not exactly a fan?
I really don’t care for the High Holidays of Obligation: Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. They seem to me like fake holidays invented to make people buy stuff in order to avoid feeling guilty.